Daring greatly during difficult days

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When you think the absolute worst thing to happen to you has already happened, yet another curved ball comes from left field and totally blind sides you.

In my current emotionally exhausted melancholic state I look back over my nearly 60 years and can readily recall some of the largest curved balls that have smashed into me. In amongst them smaller balls which hit with slightly less aggressive force and their bruises are sometimes not terribly visible until a trigger prompts their memory.

These balls have battered and bruised me. Some have near killed me. But I have always picked myself up, reached down, picked up the ball and run with it. Trying to run with the weight of these balls adding up over the years have resulted in a medical diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder.

In recent times I’ve been pitched some huge balls that have hit me fair in the gut. Smashed the wind clean out of me. Left me wondering how on earth I can carry on.

But I did, and I do. My natural instinct has been to recoil inwards, hold my pain, cradle it tight like a precious child, protecting it, kicking out at anyone who dares to come near, fighting, fighting, fighting for……. fighting for what?

Fighting to protect my vulnerability. Fighting to prevent more hurt, more pain. Because after all, if you don’t allow anyone in then you can’t get hurt again. Right?

Wrong.

Brené Brown taught me that by exposing my vulnerability I gain strength.

How?

By exposing my desperate needs, my hurts, my pain, learning to trust, I slowly rebuild my village.

When those massive curved balls smash into you they break the protective walls that surrounded you, they don’t just batter you but they send your village scattering. Leaving only one or two of your tribe behind if you’re lucky.

It is then you make your choices. Run and hide, head for the hills, curl up in a ball, stay alone, protect yourself….

or reach out, find empathy, build strength, learn to trust, abandon shame, tell your story,

It takes a while to rebuild, to create a new village, foundation bricks are tested, ones who prove to be trustworthy and strong are added to the new foundations, the ones who are not are cast aside. You tentatively reach out, test the waters, learn who to trust, each brick in place adds more strength. A new village is constructed. Your new tribe rises to surround and support you. A tribe that is prepared to cover your back, to stand alongside, to encourage, empower, support, and no matter what, love you no matter what.

A tribe you can stand sweaty, strong & bloodied in the arena with – a tribe who will dare greatly with you!

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Teddy Roosevelt 1910

Christine’s visit

I had a delightful couple of days with Christine recently.
She flew in one Friday morning.
It was a feast of friends and food.
First port of call was to visit Roni and admire the view of the snow topped Richmond Ranges from her apartment while she smooched up large wiht Malo.
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Barely home and we met Sue who had just walked Caspian.
She & Christine are old acquaintances so they walked to cafe 7010.
I joined them a tad later.
Lovely to sit in the sun and enjoy some lunch.
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For dinner Mahalia and I took her off to East Street Cafe to try and convert her to vegetarian ways.
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After we did justice to these amazing meals she was sold.
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We had to share two deserts cuz we were too full for three!img_9824img_9825

Afterwards we took her for a night time explore to the cathedral.
It is so beautiful at night.
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Next morning Mahalia went to rowing and then met Martin & Sylvia at the market.
We found them sitting like waifs and strays…
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so took pity on them and went to Suter for coffee.img_9912 img_9915img_9917

We walked home the long way stopping to chat with Gay and admire her arty garden.
She took the Sunday morning bus back to Christchurch but due to a horrific road accident they were diverted so she had a very scenic route home.

It was a lovely time – Christine loved our new home and my friends she met all passed muster.
Total seal of approval 😉

Final farewells

We were up very early.
said goodbye to Evan at 6am, then Jesika and I were out the door by 6:30am.
Half an hour later I dropped her at work and took her car for a jaunt further north up the motorway.img_9650
I arrived at Jac’s in time to see Isaac before he headed off to school which was a lovely bonus.img_9654
Jan and I spent the rest of the day together which was a wonderfully special ending to my week.

At 2:30pm I had to do a mad scramble out the door and back down the motorway to pick Jesika up from work by 3pm.
We had a couple of hours left so went to a nearby mall and hung out.
Then to the airport, checked in my bag and with plenty of time up my sleeve Jesika took me upstairs to visit her Virgin Airline friends from her previous life.
It was so lovely to meet them and see where she has been spending so much of her time until recently.

All too soon it was time for me to disappear through the security barrier.
So some last minute selfies with my girl.img_9697 img_9698 img_9699 img_9700 img_9703
Sad to be leaving, but I will be back!!
Love you my darling one xxxx

The day was fading as I waited to board.
Farewell Perth, it’s been short but very sweet.
A very necessary and appreciated break from my normal normality.img_9704

The day after

Had a bit of a slowish start after the party,
Jesika was up and on the ball and wanting to go do stuff but Sam was wanting a bit more time to wake up.
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I did a spot of painting while she took her timeimg_9384
Then we headed off for brunch at Gesha Coffee Co.
Food was good, beautifully presented, but the service was ‘interesting’.
Seems to be something that is lacking in a vast number of Australian cafes ;-/img_9385
I opted for the salmon while the guys chose the big breakfasts.
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Blair & Evan bro-loving 🙂
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Cousins keeping a safe distance from the boys
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Afterwards Jesika drove Ev, Bud and myself up the coast for a sightsee.
It was very blustery and the wind surfers made a very colourful sight as they whizzed across the waves.
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We got stuck in the crowds for a wee while.
I had never experienced an AFL crowd before.
They were wearing purple, team colours of the Fremantle Dockers, droves of supporters  heading to the  Subiaco Oval to support their team.
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All too soon it was time to take Bud to the airport.
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And back home to collapse!img_9409