{"id":1015,"date":"2019-03-19T07:32:36","date_gmt":"2019-03-18T18:32:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1015"},"modified":"2019-03-19T07:32:36","modified_gmt":"2019-03-18T18:32:36","slug":"choices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1015","title":{"rendered":"Choices"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Victim
Survivor
Choices
Struggles
It is never ending
I didn’t want
I don’t want to be a victim
I never chose to be a victim
But
when my innocence was taken
my choice was stolen from me
I was too small
my voice was too small
unknowingly but yet with overwhelming knowingness
I knew if I did use my voice
I would lose family
I knew I didn’t have a community
I knew I would lose
Everything

So
I buried the pain deep
so deep
way down in my depths
pushed the memories
back
way way back
and I lived the best way I knew how
I lived
I loved
I laughed

But
Constantly
Naggingly
there was always
The Secret
The Unspoken
The Truth
causing The Pain
to fester in the core of my very being
rotting my soul

Decades later
It began oozing
with the intense stench of depression
flashbacks
nightmares
anger
stress
unstoppable tears

One day
the burden of
The Pain
became absolutely unbearable
I was forced to take a knife
and
cut open the wound
and
slowly
began to allow the poison to escape
The surgery was long
and painful
But
this time
I wasn’t small anymore
my voice grew
louder and
Louder and
LOUDER

Until I was heard
My knowingness had been right
I did lose family
but
this time
I have gained Community

My Community
understands me
hears me
holds me
and
most importantly
Loves me

My Choice
I Am A Survivor







Months ago I read Jessica’s statement below and it really resonated with me, she encouraged me to dig deep and write my story above.

I can still struggle with the wish that I could have stood up sooner, been stronger, saved myself and my family in the way that was desperately needed for so long. But I have learned that I did the best I could at the times when it felt like there was no choice. I didn\u2019t know until I finally knew, I couldn\u2019t stand until I finally stood. There is no shame in finally being strong. I am a survivor.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

http:\/\/www.dailymail.co.uk\/news\/article-5613193\/Willis-sister-Jessica-speaks-abuse-left-family.html<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

VictimSurvivorChoicesStrugglesIt is never endingI didn’t wantI don’t want to be a victimI never chose to be a victimButwhen my innocence was takenmy choice was stolen from meI was too smallmy voice was too smallunknowingly but yet with overwhelming knowingnessI knew if I did use my voiceI would lose familyI knew I didn’t have a communityI … Continue reading “Choices”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1016,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1015"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1015"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1015\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1017,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1015\/revisions\/1017"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1016"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1015"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1015"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1015"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}