{"id":1501,"date":"2025-04-24T06:51:12","date_gmt":"2025-04-23T18:51:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1501"},"modified":"2025-04-24T07:23:47","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T19:23:47","slug":"blame-or-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1501","title":{"rendered":"Blame or Shame"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

shame or blame
blame and shame
coexistent

for years I’ve lived with both
burning holes in my brain
years of untangling
the shame
years and years and years
taking the blame
carrying the shame
then years and more years
unloading the shame
but allowing the blame to become misplaced anger
averting the idea that the one I loved
could be that monster
justifying
mitigating
his part because of his history
preventing my heart from being broken
again and again and again
and then eventually
understanding
that the blame and shame
actually lies
fair and square
at his feet, on his head
not mine
no more excusing or defending him

it took years and years
for me to identify that blame
and to put the shame where it truly belongs
but in so doing
I have felt and still feel so alone
with no understanding from those who used to love me
from the ones closest to me
who are now so far far away from me
who throw their anger
their rage
so blindly
so angrily
so misguidedly
at me

I couldn’t comprehend
why?
and then
the lightbulb moment
the clarity
the understanding
they are doing exactly
the same
as I did

they cannot
they do not
the have not
the capacity to cope with
the shame
the humiliation
of knowing
that the one person
they knew and trusted
could be that monster
so their anger displaces
misguidedly misplaced
and is directed at me
just one of his many victims
who has had the audacity to finally
stand up and speak out

the pain
the heartbreak
the divisiveness
the trauma
the misuse of power
the infliction of grief and trauma
the absolute suffering and distress
caused by the evilness of paedophillia
the perversion of incest
the absolute lifelong torment from sexual abuse
is so great
so immense
the ripples that grow
and grow
and grow
into uncontrolled tsunami waves
from the shame and the blame
destroy relationships
and families

shame and blame
live symbiotically
and unless they are
directed fair and square at the feet of the offender
they become parasitic
and entwine within the psyche of the family tree
and kill
everything they touch

it is the worst heartbreak
ever<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

shame or blameblame and shamecoexistent for years I’ve lived with bothburning holes in my brainyears of untanglingthe shameyears and years and yearstaking the blamecarrying the shamethen years and more yearsunloading the shamebut allowing the blame to become misplaced angeraverting the idea that the one I lovedcould be that monsterjustifyingmitigatinghis part because of his historypreventing my … Continue reading “Blame or Shame”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[113,111,79,20,47,94,99,90,67,17,110,91,49,60,48,92,80,68,70,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1501"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1501"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1501\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1505,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1501\/revisions\/1505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1501"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1501"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1501"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}