{"id":1507,"date":"2025-04-28T07:53:49","date_gmt":"2025-04-27T19:53:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1507"},"modified":"2025-04-28T07:53:49","modified_gmt":"2025-04-27T19:53:49","slug":"resilience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1507","title":{"rendered":"Resilience"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I have spent many years
trying to find myself
I was buried
hidden
under such a burden of damagedness

I see my little granddaughter now
running free
laughing
climbing
singing
with such wonderful gay abandon
and I have vague pictorial flashes of memory
of the little wild child I was
before….

For years
I have wondered how I managed to survive
the pain and torment
of lies and secrecies
the destruction of family
to keep going
to keep living
when so many others couldn’t

This morning
I woke with this word
Resilience

A word I’ve heard many times
but gave no thought or mind to
cuz it had nothing to do with me
did it?

Certainly not a word that was ever given to me
I’ve had others thrown my way
others which have stuck and caused deep woundings
Bossy
Super Mum
Victim
Liar
to name but a few

I am a confessed logophile
my children will vouch for that
even if they don’t understand that particular word \ud83d\ude42
I needed to find answers
so I went searching
and in that searching
I found some truths

What depletes resilience?
overwork
chronic stress
exhaustion
neglecting self care
negative self-talk
unhealthy coping mechanisms
managing difficult people
lack of social support
withstanding personal criticism
isolation
substance abuse

Yes, that was me
maybe that still is me to an extent
But I have not spent the past 14 years
in therapy
working my arse off
trying to recover
trying to heal
trying to live
without making inroads and
instead of ticking those boxes
I am crossing them off the list

Instead
I can now tick other boxes
like these…
A resilient person perseveres in the toughest times
A resilient person finds strength within themself
A resilient person supports others instead of bringing them down
A resilient person can withstand and recover from difficult conditions
A resilient person can bounce back from setbacks
A resilient person can draw on their inner strength to navigate challenges
A resilient person can maintain wellbeing
A resilient person is aware of their emotional reactions
A resilient person is comfortable in who they are

Why has it taken over 5 decades for me to get to this point?
Because I was so buried in the trauma
I used every ounce of of all I was just to survive
It wasn’t until I got to a point of breaking
of being so broken
and someone recognising my brokenness for what it was
and encouraged me to seek help
and I did
and I have persevered
for years

But being resilient doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt
It just means I have gained the emotional maturity
to know how to express myself
to the ones I can trust
to the ones who have chosen to support me
I know how to deal with that hurt
and how to place it where it belongs
the sting of it still stings
and the tears are still real
but I can now embrace the hurt
let the tears fall
and confess my feelings
and move on
leaving it at the feet of those it belongs to
and not mine
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Three years ago
I chose to end some extremely traumatic years
by having a tattoo
placed visibly for my own reminder
a reminder that this was the end

Today
looking at it with fresh eyes
I am understanding fully
the symbolism of my choice
and it fills me with hope

the Lotus flower
represents
strength
rebirth
and
Resilience

and added is a line from one of my favourite poets
Rumi
“You’ve seen my descent, now watch my rising”\u00a0

I didn’t understand fully 3 years ago
just how much of a rising there was coming<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have spent many yearstrying to find myselfI was buriedhiddenunder such a burden of damagedness I see my little granddaughter nowrunning freelaughingclimbingsingingwith such wonderful gay abandonand I have vague pictorial flashes of memoryof the little wild child I wasbefore…. For yearsI have wondered how I managed to survivethe pain and tormentof lies and secreciesthe destruction … Continue reading “Resilience”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[111,79,100,19,69,112,47,94,4,104,99,105,90,58,67,17,110,91,49,64,48,92,80,68,70,1,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1507"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1507"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1507\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1515,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1507\/revisions\/1515"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1507"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1507"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1507"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}