{"id":1532,"date":"2025-08-28T16:06:17","date_gmt":"2025-08-28T04:06:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1532"},"modified":"2025-08-28T16:06:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-28T04:06:17","slug":"eulogium","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=1532","title":{"rendered":"Eulogium"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I have been sitting in funerals recently
Too many actually

But they have lead me to ponder
What would my family’s eulogy be for me

I certainly don’t want glorification
I know I am not, and have not, been perfect in any way
I want truth
Not some pontification of marvellousness
But I also would like to hear from them
Before I am gone
That would be way more preferable
Than regretful one-sided graveside conversations

I know I have been a parent that was the product of her parents,
and the parents before them
I know that a lot of my actions have been born from my early traumas
I know that I was a pretty shit parent
I also know I was a pretty damn good one as well
I know that I can’t go back
I can’t undo what has been done
Conundrums of parenting 101
I can only lay my heart open
And apologise for being a mother in training
Muddling along
Doing the best I could

In hind site it might not be the best of what I could give now
But it was the best of me back then

Is this a product of ‘old age’
That we ponder our past and our failings
Go down rabbit holes of the ‘what ifs’
What if I had done that differently
What if I had been a better parent
What if I had said that differently
What if I had done more, given more, been more

But what about our successes, our joys, our positive impacts
Why don’t we address them
I am sure they far outweigh the ‘what ifs’

It would indeed be most intriguing
To survey the ones I have raised
And ask them their memories
Of their mother
Would they immediately give you their negatives
Or
Would they in their adult years
Show some grace of understanding
That as a parent
We do the best
With what we have
At the time
And deliver some heartwarming musings of their childhoods<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been sitting in funerals recentlyToo many actually But they have lead me to ponderWhat would my family’s eulogy be for me I certainly don’t want glorificationI know I am not, and have not, been perfect in any wayI want truthNot some pontification of marvellousnessBut I also would like to hear from themBefore I … Continue reading “Eulogium”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23,47,105,115,114,106,1,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1532"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1537,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532\/revisions\/1537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1532"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1532"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}