\nI just knew that the one person who was supposed to love me the most and should have been my most ardent protector\u00a0was the one person…..
\nWho failed me.
\nWho took advantage of me.
\nWho took the most precious thing he could from me.
\nWho changed my life forever.
\nThose ten years stolen from my childhood have marked me, damaged me, changed me from who I could\u2019ve been to who I became.
\nOnly now as a healing adult can I look back see the damage wrought.<\/a>
\nNot just to me but to my family because of the\u00a0destructive behaviours it bred, the negative self esteem issues, the underlying anger,\u00a0relationship difficulties, and many more wrapped up in this ensuing ball of ptsd ….
\nIt has been a long battle these past 6 years, fighting my way back up from my breaking point, when my body, my brain, my emotions, my whole being just could not fight anymore.<\/p>\n
It has been a hard battle.
\nI have fought, retreated, picked myself up, punched back harder, been battered and bruised almost beyond recognition.
\nThe fight almost killed me.
\nBut I have survived.
\nActually I have more than survived – I became a Warrior.
\nIn the past months I have really come into my own.
\nFinally found my Self.
\nStanding strong.
\nFacing the world head on.
\n![\"13912667_1769247253356756_2709531130631588936_n\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/13912667_1769247253356756_2709531130631588936_n.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
So it was incredibly shocking to me to discover that I had been scammed recently. I found these Five Stages of Grooming by a Pedophile\u00a0<\/a>on Dr Phil\u2019s site.<\/a> Stage 1: Identifying a Possible Victim<\/strong> Stage 2: Collecting Information<\/strong> Stage 3: Filling a Need<\/strong> Stage 4: Lowering Inhibitions<\/strong> Stage 5: Initiating the Abuse<\/strong> This is what happened to me. In this\u00a0situation the story went like this – He was a Swiss American chemical engineer,\u00a0wife killed in car crash 7 years ago. Two kids 14 & 16 in boarding\u00a0school in UK. Over a period of several weeks\u00a0I was sent work ID photos, photos of ‘his kids\u2019 etc.\u00a0Had to fly directly from NZ to Russia to fulfil a contract – which of course he sent me proof of, then once he got there – oh dear my kids need to go on a school trip from their boarding school in UK but he didn\u2019t get the notice in time and he can’t get the money out of Russia as the relationship between USA & Russia is so bad so his poor disabled from the car crash kids are going to miss out on the trip and fail their grades. I was sent copies of\u00a0bank account pages showing hundreds of thousands of dollars to make me feel like he was just asking for a loan. It was a shame that he had already sent me photos of strong healthy undamaged kids, plus he was tangling\u00a0with a researcher and I was on Google faster than you could blink, checking out all the details he was giving me. He sorta shot himself in the foot somewhat\u00a0and I wasn\u2019t going to let him go down or disappear without a fight!<\/p>\n Despite having fallen into Stages 1-4, \u00a0I very quickly retreated and checked for personal collateral damage.\u00a0Made contact with\u00a0John<\/a>, who talked me through what to do to safeguard myself and the family. Facebook is another site being used by scammers. These types of people are all around us. If you have any doubts whatsoever then back off, be wary, contact John<\/a>\u00a0or someone of equal ability, or go to the police. Part of becoming a warrior survivor is learning to not hide behind shame and secrets. This is probably one of the most difficult posts I think I have ever had to write. Formulating my thoughts, unraveling, trying to make sense. Recent happenings, blending with historic. Processing how someone someone who is articulate, intelligent, adult, very aware of dangers, who has been working through the healing process for the nearly\u00a06 years, … Continue reading “You just gotta watch your back!!!”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=573"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":578,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/573\/revisions\/578"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nScammed by a predator.
\nAnd I never saw the warning signs.
\nI, who should have known, should have seen.
\nBeen there so many times in the past I have worn out all my tee-shirts!!
\nI never saw it coming.
\nGot sucked in big time.
\nBut thankfully, I am not entirely stupid and when he asked me for money the brakes went on\u00a0fast.
\nI made contact with John whom I know professionally as a cyber safety educator.<\/a>
\nHe talked me through the process of what to do and then asked\u00a0if I could write about my experience to help educate others.<\/p>\n
\nThey are concise and accurate.
\nI have adjusted them slightly as they to apply to any predator, not just the pedophile.<\/p>\n
\nAlthough predators\u00a0differ in their \u201ctype\u201d regarding age, appearance and gender, all predators\u00a0will look for a victim who seems in some way vulnerable.<\/p>\n
\nThe next step is for the predator to collect as much information on the targeted victim as possible. This is most commonly done through casual conversations with the prey. They ask for your birthday. About your family. Where you work.<\/p>\n
\nOnce the predator has the information he needs, he then becomes part of his\/her prey\u2019s life by filling a need. If the victim is lonely, the predator will act as a friend. They appear caring and concerned about you and your life.<\/p>\n
\nThe predator will then start to lower the victim\u2019s inhibitions. This is so subtle. They might give you proof of their identity to establish that they are real.<\/p>\n
\nAt this final stage, the predator begins to financially extort the victim.<\/p>\n
\nOn the 9th November a man connected with me via an internet site.
\nHe was handsome, charming, and was apparently working on a contract in the North Island\u00a0for a large well known international company.
\nWe chatted and I unwittingly fell into Stages 1, 2 3 & 4 without too much effort from his part.
\nThis is where I could start berating myself and blaming myself.
\nBut I am stronger now.
\nI will not<\/span> accept his behaviour as my shame.
\nHe was on the hunt.
\nA predator looking for prey.<\/p>\n
\nReported the\u00a0scammer on all the sites he was on, triple checked all my internet sites, and my children\u2019s.
\nFunnily enough he has disappeared.
\nUndoubtedly\u00a0into some other persona with a new story out to scam a new victim.<\/p>\n
\nA friend of mine recently had his account hacked and duplicated.
\nI accepted the friend request and unwittingly entered a private conversation with \u2018him\u2019.
\nWithin minutes though I noticed something on my friend\u2019s real wall and realised something was amiss.
\nSpoke with him and established that I was not in fact speaking with him in this private chat.
\nQuickly deleted the bogus account.
\nHowever, he had another friend who was not so fortunate and was parted with a considerable amount of money.
\nI must stress, I honestly thought I was talking to my friend.
\nSo did this unfortunate victim.
\nThe conversation was too accurate, too similar.
\nThese scammers are ruthless and relentless.\/<\/p>\n
\nPredators – animals who ruthlessly\u00a0exploit others.
\nWith no concern for anyone but themselves.
\nThey will find you when you are at your most vulnerable, they can be people you know, people you don\u2019t.
\nYou have to be circumspect, on guard, alert,\u00a0aware.
\nYou need to be educated.
\nThe internet is making this type of behaviour far too easy.
\nBut predators\u00a0can also be physically in your lives.
\nThey are not always strangers.
\nI know of too many stories concerning family and friends, whose stories are not mine to tell, who have been caught by predators – wolves in sweeps clothing.
\nPreying on the vulnerable.
\nDespicable.<\/p>\n
\nBut Never, Ever, Not Ever, give or send any money in any shape or form.
\nSadly there are too many vulnerable people who have been stripped of many dollars and life savings.<\/p>\n
\nKeeping secrets helps perpetrators to continue their dirty work.
\nAs\u00a0Bren\u00e9 Brown\u00a0says, our wholeness depends on integration of ALL experiences.
\nSo own your stories.
\nNo matter how difficult they are – own them and use them.
\n![\"b40f2d0ae70703743a277ce03c05d9d2\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/b40f2d0ae70703743a277ce03c05d9d2.jpg\")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"