I turn on the electric blanket to ensure the bed is warm.<\/p>\n
I lie on my left side, with my back to the empty half behind me.
\nI read to fill the silence of the night.
\nBut when my book hits the floor and I cannot keep my eyes open any more I turn off the light and try to go to sleep.<\/p>\n
It is dark now.
\nSafe to turn over.
\nI can\u2019t see the empty other half of my bed.
\nBut my leg reaches out, searching, looking for what cannot be found.
\nIt only feels cold sheets.
\nNo warm body there to wrap myself around.
\nI toss and turn.
\nMy stomach aches.
\nMy limbs twitch and stretch, constantly searching.
\nLooking for arms to hold me.
\nHands to caress me, love me.<\/p>\n
I want to sleep, to forget.
\nBut the ache is so bad.<\/p>\n
The ache in my gut rises.
\nUp through my chest and into my throat.<\/p>\n
Until I can contain the tears no more.
\nI give in and the sobs rack my whole being.
\nI cry, uncontrollably into my pillow.
\nThe pain is so bad.
\nThe loneliness is overwhelming.
\nThe knowing that he is gone.
\nEventually the tears drown me to sleep<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I turn on the electric blanket to ensure the bed is warm. I lie on my left side, with my back to the empty half behind me. I read to fill the silence of the night. But when my book hits the floor and I cannot keep my eyes open any more I turn off … Continue reading “Pain – April 2013”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[19,20,47,58,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=612"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":613,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612\/revisions\/613"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}