{"id":648,"date":"2016-12-26T05:16:15","date_gmt":"2016-12-26T05:16:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=648"},"modified":"2016-12-26T05:21:34","modified_gmt":"2016-12-26T05:21:34","slug":"my-body-image-peregrination","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=648","title":{"rendered":"My Body Image Peregrination"},"content":{"rendered":"

My life journey is a constant thread on here.
\nMainly because this is my blog and I know me better than anyone else so I talk about me.
\nBut only so I can share, to\u00a0empathise, encourage and empower.
\nAs most of you know I love words and the word journey is getting a bit stale to me so today I am\u00a0going to talk about my peregrination, as it has been rather a long meander getting to where I am now.
\nThis\u00a0rumination\u00a0today is about body image.<\/p>\n

From my observations most women – and maybe men, but I’m not qualified to talk for the opposing sex – have body issues.
\nI have certainly not been exempt.
\nI had a fairly tidy figure when I got married at 21 –\u00a0173cm tall and weighed in at 66kg.
\nBut from young I had issues with certain parts of my anatomy which looking back seem really stupid now, but……
\n….sadly I was not alone.
\nThe abuse and\u00a0headfucking I went through in my childhood certainly didn\u2019t help matters and unfortunately I know I am definitely not alone in that area.
\nThese occurrences alter our appreciation of self immeasurably.<\/p>\n

My weight and shape has changed dramatically throughout my\u00a0life.
\nYou cannot go through 11 pregnancies & births, breast feed 10 babies and suffer multiple accidents to many parts of the anatomy over the years \u00a0without some significant\u00a0body carnage.<\/p>\n

Living on 60\u2019 slopes for 36 years was a reason (I know, not a good reason, but a reason nonetheless!) \u00a0for me to not go walking much due to damaged knees.
\nI tried\u00a0in latter times by purchasing a tredmill.
\nIt got\u00a0used and I did try all sorts of other means\/diets etc to try & keep in shape but it was a very ebb & flow thing depending on my moods and events of the times.<\/p>\n

Anyway, fast forward to 2013.
\nThat fateful month of February when my life was traumatically turned upside down\u00a0& inside out.
\nMy reaction was to retreat to my bed, eat comfort foods\u00a0and watch brainless movies for months.
\nAssuaging grief in the most consoling\u00a0way I could.
\nAnd that was okay for then.
\nFrom\u00a0there was the period of running away with my two babes.
\nTramping boots were bought and some moderate walks undertaken during our travels.
\nThen two years ago we moved to the city.
\nThe moving process once again added\u00a0more\u00a0damage to my back,\u00a0hips & shoulders so ongoing physio was required.<\/p>\n

But I was making baby steps.
\nWe bought bikes.
\nI biked for several months until we got the puppy.
\nThen I began walking him around the streets.
\nIt was really enjoyable to wander the river and explore the city.
\nSlowly I was increasing my exercise time.
\nUnfortunately a\u00a0couple\u00a0more severe accidents slowed me down with\u00a0injuries and long term recovery periods.
\nAt the same time I was also dealing with some very hard stuff.
\nMy ptsd levels were often going through the roof.
\nMy headspace wasn\u2019t wonderful.
\nIn fact early-mid\u00a02016\u00a0was probably the darkest, heaviest space I had been in since Tim died.
\nI received test results from\u00a0the Dr saying\u00a0I was pre diabetic.
\nThey wanted me to join in with Green Prescription<\/a> and go to aquafit classes and discussion groups to help me loose weight etc.
\nIn essence it was probably all very good and helpful BUT I was very definitely NOT in the right headspace to so anything extra so basically told them to fuck\u00a0off!
\nThen finally after 40 months of very intense grieving,\u00a0my brain\u00a0finally began to clear.
\nLucidity began.
\nI set about\u00a0making some much needed rational decisions.
\nOnce that was underway I began to want<\/strong> to look\u00a0more aggressively at my health & wellbeing.
\nI took ownership and control.
\nI reduced my intake of sugars and carbs – I know from experience that they are the\u00a0worst enemies for my body type.<\/p>\n

I joined the gym and with encouragement from my daughter<\/a> that it would take me at least 2 weeks of determination to\u00a0make it a habit I stuck with it.
\nThe trainer set me a routine\u00a0which I worked hard at.
\nI was juggling my youngest\u00a0kids needs which at the time were pretty intense, but was trying really hard to put mine up there on the top of the list too.
\nI roll out of bed around 6am at least 4-5 mornings a week because I know for me that if I do not get there and do my work out and pump the cardio before 7am it is just not going to happen.
\nAnd now I really, really love going.
\nMy trainer reworks my programme every month or so too help me strengthen and tone up this battered body of mine.
\nI can vouch for all those proven studies that exercise\u00a0produces endorphins which\u00a0really do reduce stress, increase happiness & energy levels, ward off anxiety and depression, improve sleep and boosts self esteem.
\nBut! I had to be in the right headspace to even contemplate attacking it.
\nIf I had tried earlier I can honestly say I would\u2019ve failed.
\nI had to be ready to bite the bullet\u00a0with a sense of determination.<\/p>\n

Around this time I became aware of the Isagenix products.<\/a>
\nI had been very\u00a0skeptical at first but after a while I discovered my daughter Sunniva\u00a0<\/a>was already using them so discussed it with her.
\nHer response was that she had no idea how they worked but that they did work and the she has far more energy than ever before.
\nSo I decided to give them a go.
\nNot just for me but also for my 16 year old daughter who also needs a lot of energy for her rowing.
\nShe & I took the products to a well known naturopath here and had them checked out and she said they were all good and that it was the amino acids that were doing the job.
\nSo on that recommendation we joined up and began to use them.
\nI love using the products.
\nI tweak as I want.
\nI particularly love the shakes and cleanses.
\nI am not religious about them, I use to suit me and my lifestyle.
\nSince I began going to the gym and using the\u00a0Isagenix the weight has been falling off me.
\nI honestly do not count calories or do anything that is mind controlling.<\/p>\n

In amongst all of this there have been several interesting influences regarding the body image issues.
\nI came across the Australian blogger Constance Hall.<\/a>
\nAnd, as have many women have, found her approach to be incredibly liberating.
\nShe\u2019s raw and open and honest and completely out there.
\nAnd I absolutely love that.
\nI was thrilled to have the opportunity\u00a0to meet her when in Perth a few months ago.
\nAnother Australian,\u00a0\u00a0Taryn Brumfitt,<\/a> began the Body Image Movement with her docs\/movie Embrace<\/a>.
\nThis movie is absolutely brilliant <\/a>and should be seen by all.
\nThese women along with many others have been such an encouragement.<\/p>\n

While in Perth I went shipping with my niece.
\nIt was so much fun.
\nI bought myself a new swimsuit.
\nWe walked into the shop and I announced ‘I don\u2019t do black’.
\nSam followed me in saying \u2018And she don\u2019t do Nana either!\u2019 \ud83d\ude42
\nBut after trying almost every colourful swimsuit in the shop we then turned to the black ones.
\nAnd guess what.
\nThey worked.
\nAnd I found this one \ud83d\ude42
\n\"\"
\nThen I said – ‘right, now I have that sorted. Let me see some bikinis’!!
\nThe absolute best thing about shopping with the niece as opposed to the daughters\u00a0was the encouragement \ud83d\ude42
\nI have not worn a bikini since I was in my teens!~!
\nAnd to even consider doing so was a huge step.
\nBut after over 5\u00a0decades of hating on my body I decided it is now time to love it instead.
\n\"\"
\nScars are the tattoos of the brave according to my son.
\nThis body of mine has more than earned its stripes, its scars and its tattoos.
\nIt\u2019s bravery deserves to be honoured.
\nYes, I have lost weight but that is not the issue here.
\nThe issue is loving yourself.
\nRecognising that this body is not an ornament – it is a vehicle.
\nIt has strength and purpose.
\nSo even after Tim died when my weight skyrocketed up to 83 kgs plus it was still a purposeful vehicle.
\nI just didn\u2019t appreciate its worth.
\nDuring all my child birthing years when I would moan about not fitting my clothes Tim would just tell me to go buy a bigger pair of jeans.
\nHe saw me as the women he loved no matter my size.
\nHe didn\u2019t care, he loved me for who I was.
\nIt was a tragedy that I didn\u2019t see that.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t really see<\/strong> a huge change but friends\u00a0have been commenting.
\nHere are some photos taken 3 months apart.
\nRemember that there is no way on this planet that I would\u2019ve posted any photos like this before!
\nHuge steps forward in acceptance of self \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

3 September = 80.4kgs
\n\"\"
\n11 December = 74.4kgs
\n\"\"
\nI don\u2019t need the scales, I know by my clothes that my body is changing shape.
\nI have just dumped a pile of size 14 jeans etc out of my wardrobe.
\nWent shopping cuz they were a tad loose and came out in size 11\u2019s.
\nThat really blew my brain!
\nThen a month later I went back to buy a belt because\u00a0they were loose.
\nBut what is super cool is that it is not the weight loss that\u00a0matters to me.
\nIt is the feeling of being well, and happy and feeling\u00a0my body becoming\u00a0\u00a0toned and stronger.
\nAnd knowing that the physical events that I want to tackle are becoming manageable.<\/p>\n

My therapist commented to me recently that she was glad to see I had my spark back.
\nI thought on that and responded that actually, I do not ever recall having \u2018a spark\u2019 like this before.
\nI have so much exuberant\u00a0energy that I feel like the Energiser bunny on full batteries!!
\nEven when the batteries run down a tad I am still in a really happy place.
\n\"\"
\nMy body and I are finally friends who are pretty damned proud\u00a0to\u00a0be seen together in public \ud83d\ude42
\nChristmas Day at Cable Bay 2016
\n\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My life journey is a constant thread on here. Mainly because this is my blog and I know me better than anyone else so I talk about me. But only so I can share, to\u00a0empathise, encourage and empower. As most of you know I love words and the word journey is getting a bit stale … Continue reading “My Body Image Peregrination”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[40,53,36,52,47,37,4,62,21,28,17,49,45,48,51,61],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=648"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":659,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions\/659"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}