{"id":772,"date":"2017-03-19T03:36:20","date_gmt":"2017-03-19T03:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=772"},"modified":"2021-06-23T16:12:43","modified_gmt":"2021-06-23T04:12:43","slug":"finding-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/?p=772","title":{"rendered":"Discovering my Phoenix"},"content":{"rendered":"

Wow!
\nJust realised it has been a month since I last wrote a post.
\nI really have claimed my freedom!
\nFor over 10 years I updated on a daily basis
\nAnd to have now given myself the freedom to write when I want and not feel any pressure is amazing.
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

One thing that people closest to me know is that I am inclined to be rather spontaneous.
\nSome may call it impulsiveness \ud83d\ude09
\nSo I do have to curb myself at times.
\nI have learned over the years to take a big breath before responding to things, to hesitate long before pushing the Send button – often leaving a response until I have calmed enough to Bin it!
\nBut I have also learned that spontaneity is a marvellous thing.
\nIt can take you places you never dreamed of and would never go if you thought twice.<\/p>\n

Over the past months I have had a desire building within to do something
\nJust for me
\nIt is something that I have never before ever wanted, and was also quite opposed to for years.
\nIt did seem somewhat impulsive at first
\nBut I held myself in check, addressed it cautiously over a period of months<\/p>\n

The desire came from a place deep within.
\nFrom the depths of my survivors soul.
\nSomething to mark my rite of passage in a way.
\nI have spent months and months thinking it through
\nDiscussed it only recently and very tentatively with one or two closest to me.
\nI decided that it would be my birthday present to myself.
\nIt was going to be a one time forever thing so I had to think long and hard.
\nEnsure that what I did was absolutely right
\nAnd the person who did it had to be empathetic to this tattoo virgin.
\nAfter several enquiries I finally found Pete upon recommendations of several friends.
\nI met with him and we talked it all through.
\nHe was so lovely, sensitive to my needs and wants.
\nAfter some discussion he set about to draw my design for me and sent me home to sort out the script & font.<\/p>\n

The appointed day arrived and on the 26th January I rocked up at 9am with a excitement & anticipation, and a just a wee tad of trepidation.
\n2 hours later I left
\nAbsolutely delighted with the results
\n\"\"
\nI am ever so grateful for the hand above that held mine throughout the process
\nYes, it did hurt – at times
\nAnd that hand was squeezed incredibly hard – at times
\nBut it wasn\u2019t unbearable because I really wanted it.<\/p>\n

I chose the phoenix because it is representative of transformation
\nMy personal transformation from victim to warrior
\n\"\"
\nIt is a symbol of my renewal, strength & power.
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

The words I thought long and hard over
\nFinally deciding on this Latin line
\nIlla alis volat propriis <\/em><\/strong>
\nwhich translates as
\nShe flies with her own wings
\n<\/em>\"\"
\nI have spent years on this journey
\nI have learnt and in fact am still learning to fly with my own wings
\nIt is a daily process to brush off my feathers
\nSpread my wings
\nProject myself into new unknowns
\nRising up with renewed strength each day<\/p>\n

It is so joyful to be able to be happy
\nTo be completely unconcerned as to what people think
\nTo finally be so in tune with myself and my body
\nThat at this age
\nMy age
\nThe number I was so freaked out about attaining
\nI can be myself at the beach with my young beach babes
\nBe unafraid of the camera lens
\nIn fact I can be proud of me
\nCuz actually
\nI have decided that I am pretty damned awesome \ud83d\ude42\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wow! Just realised it has been a month since I last wrote a post. I really have claimed my freedom! For over 10 years I updated on a daily basis And to have now given myself the freedom to write when I want and not feel any pressure is amazing. One thing that people closest … Continue reading “Discovering my Phoenix”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[24,33,40,47,21,6,28,17,49,60,64,48,1,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/772"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=772"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/772\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1230,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/772\/revisions\/1230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}