![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/14956657_1820348154855661_1961971869971402136_n.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Back on the day 6 years ago that I was finally diagnosed with PTSD
\nIt was such a relief
\nTo know I wasn\u2019t crazy
\nI was just broken
\na\u00a0traumatised soul
\nBut
\nIn the identifying
\nand the confronting
\nand the search for answers
\nI had no idea what lay in front of me.
\nI knew what was behind me
\nAnd I wanted no more of that
\nSo I turned\u00a0forwards
\nstarted the healing
\nfacing the demons
\nBut\u00a0as I did\u00a0they\u00a0would attack with greater ferocity
\nbiting at my heels
\nattacking with force the closer I got to identifying each one
\nSometimes it felt like one step forward and ten\u00a0back
\nI would break
\nand fall apart
\nthinking what was the point
\nit is all just way too hard<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/14358987_1385239008172509_1635819386276726953_n-300x300.jpg\")
\nBut finally
\nI found my courage
\nI sourced that inner\u00a0strength
\nthat had maintained me throughout those traumas
\nI was able\u00a0to embrace\u00a0the education of my mind
\nand was ready to face
\nand\u00a0retrace\u00a0my nightmares\u00a0as each one surfaced<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/15267828_713991388750448_4772678847489013130_n-300x227.jpg\")
\nBeing able to identify triggers
\nis essential
\nto not just surviving PTSD
\nbut
\nto actually living with PTSD
\nIn the past
\ntriggers would escalate me out of control
\nI didn\u2019t understand what was happening
\nAnd therefore
\nwas unable to process
\nMy normality which allowed me to cope
\nwas
\nto be in\u00a0control
\nhave total structure
\nOCD to the max
\nkeeping so busy so as not to remember<\/p>\n
Today
\nI understand
\nI do have PTSD
\nI will always have PTSD
\nYou cannot endure as\u00a0much trauma as I have
\nand escape unscathed
\nBut I am identifying the triggers
\nmuch more quickly
\nand in identifying them
\nI can deal to them<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t quite got to identifying them
\nat trigger point
\nprior to the reaction
\nBut I am processing
\nso much more quickly
\nI am also able to verbalise the situation \u2018much more better’
\nWhich for me
\nhelps the processing
\nbuilds my emotional strength
\nallows me to understand
\nand share my self more easily
\nAnd lessens the feelings
\nof inadequacy
\nof hopelessness
\nof neediness
\nof\u00a0‘crazy woman status\u2019<\/p>\n
Over the past months The reality of living with PTSD Through my many many sessions with my therapist I have learned to manage, conquer or control many of my\u00a0symptomatic responses When I get gutshot by a PTSD trigger The Becca Lee poem<\/a> at the top really speaks from and to my heart In fact today But if you are with me on the days when I am not doing quite so brilliantly Back on the day 6 years ago that I was finally diagnosed with PTSD It was such a relief To know I wasn\u2019t crazy I was just broken a\u00a0traumatised soul But In the identifying and the confronting and the search for answers I had no idea what lay in front of me. I knew what … Continue reading “Living with PTSD”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[19,20,47,4,21,58,17,49,60,48,1,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=794"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":811,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/794\/revisions\/811"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nI have had several \u2018meltdowns\u2019
\nwhich I have been able to confront face on
\nEach trigger a reaction\u00a0to different traumatic life\u00a0experiences
\nActivating a neurobiological response\u00a0from my\u00a0amygdala
\n<\/span>I go into instant \u2018fright’ or \u2018flight’ mode
\nI become anxious, frightened, out of rational control
\nBut thankfully now
\nthat is only for a short time
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/14610869_693850667431187_1890338017217096326_n-300x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\nis the ongoing
\nunderlying
\n‘just have to live with’
\nstuff –
\nthe sleeplessness
\nthe inability to focus
\nthe fluctuations
\n–\u00a0emotional numbing
\n–\u00a0emotional excess
\nthe hypervigilance
\nthe adrenal fatigue
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/effectsofchildabuse-300x240.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\n(I still cannot believe she has never given up on me!!)
\nmy work with other abused & traumatised\u00a0women
\nand researching the ways trauma effects the brain
\nespecially a young developing child’s<\/a>
\nlearning big words \ud83d\ude09
\nlike
\namygdala
\nhippocampus
\nventromedial prefrontal cortex<\/p>\n
\n-the intrusive thoughts of unwanted memories
\n-the flashbacks
\n-the mood alterations
\n-the shame, blame, persistent negativity
\n-the avoidance
\n-the depression<\/p>\n
\nI can now
\nidentify it
\ndeal to it
\nlet it go – (why does that want to make me burst into song \ud83d\ude09<\/em> )
\nand use it to help others
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/14469666_681720838644170_228903666139818884_n-198x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\nShe summarises\u00a0me perfectly
\nIf\u00a0you have managed to read through to the bottom of this
\nplease go back and read about \u2018me’
\nI’ve written previously about my phoenix rising from the ashes
\nthis rebirth of mine
\nthe growth from the pain
\nwhich has\u00a0made me the woman\u00a0I am today
\nI would gladly have traded all that pain whilst enduring it
\nBut now
\ntoday
\nwhere I am right now
\nI can honestly say
\nI am ok<\/p>\n
\nI don\u2019t just think
\nI\u2019m ok
\nI know
\nI am doing
\nAbsolutely\u00a0brilliantly!<\/p>\n
\nPlease be a just little forgiving xxx
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/mybigballofstring.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/IMG_2316-1024x1024.jpg\")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"