Arggghhhhh!!!!!!
Processing through another massive trigger attack
Trying to describe what happens within
to explain the outward displays of apparent irrational behaviours
Well they seem to be irrational
to those who are not living in my skin
But in my head Robot is blindly circling amok yelling
‘danger! danger! danger! danger!
do not compute!’
distressing my brain even more
exposing every nerve ending
until they are bleeding raw pain
Every part my body is fraught
on edge
skrieking at the slightest infraction
Fear rises to the surface
I’m frightened
of everything I perceive as threatening
anything that might possibly compromise my safety
of loss
of death
just. plain. scared.
I cry
all the time
tears flow too damn freely
uncontrollable
I hate myself
for being like this
Processing deeply
trying to understand myself
Trying to understand myself so others might try to understand me
How can they
when I struggle to understand myself