when you spend the day creating for a special person to lift their spirits and to share your love and then a phone call one you’ve been dreading hoping not to receive
grief hits you a side blow and you come tumbling down the pain from within echoes that of times past losing a loved life long partner so heartbreakingly hard
tears flow where do I go with this where can I go but to other friends
spend time with friends now before its too late make time take time before you have to join to celebrate the life well lived of yet another friend who has left too soon
tides ebb and flow planets come and go mercury retrogrades moons collide solar flares lunar eclipses natures mysteries abound
growing through conservative christianity taught everything outside was evil don’t do this don’t touch that you’ll allow the devil his hold
wakening now realising that I am part of this awesome universe created by God and in the being part of I am feeling part of so the ebbs and flows effect my very core
being the very practical being I am sceptical of things unknown things unseen that I cannot prove yet now I am feeling and recognising the ebbs & flows that are affecting my essential self
my life is my long journey and yet in the aeons of time it is but a brief blink connected to the universe of which I am just a tiny speck I am but a pin prick feeling such insignificance how and why does the universe care enough about me to include me in its ebbs & flows
I am but sand on the shore a drop of water within the seas but my life has relevance and meaning I must hold some importance otherwise why am I here
growing up through the Age of Aquarius it was but a mere song a hippie chick sang living on the fringes of churchism feeling frowned upon for even thinking the lyrics but on delving in I see its relevance during my lifetime
apparently though I have the energy of Sun in conjunct with Pluto a rare thing indeed my presence on this planet is to do what I am doing I am not just a mere speck I am burning, cleaning, clearing the way facing the darkside constantly transforming articulating communicating to others
by opening up my heart allowing the blood of my traumas to flow releasing the pain and reality of my damaged soul I am letting the sunshine in to the hearts of others as they resonate with my words no matter the darkness they hold or the life they bring
sharing gives strength breaking darkness to let the light in releasing energy breaking tensions allowing the ebb & flow of my life to encourage others that is my reason for living
when your head hurts when there is so much chaos inside that it blanks out all rational thinking random thoughts swirl around battering my brain cells like a raging storm I try to follow one thought but it diverges into a torrent flowing a different direction another thought and another small streams all diverging into a raging river of pain
pain from so many sources heavy weightedness my head aches with weariness my body drags with an unexplainable lethargy I don’t know how to find the beginning let alone the end too many beginnings they just add and add and add so much more pain and grief to the weightedness I am feeling
a random person sees my pained being delivers a hug causing my eyes leak with tears but still holding back the rivers that want to flow because those nearest cannot see what is inside of me and I am scared than if they do it will horrify them because it terrifies me
I try to grasp at one to decipher where it came from but my brain sees another and runs to that then to another until my head is so full
my hands try to hold my brain the explosions of pain darkness weariness sadness
how can I describe the darkness within when I cannot find the beginning to begin
