Crossroads

During our life journey we come to many cross roads.
Sometimes it is easy to make the decision as to which one to take.
Other times the selection can be rather confusing.
Clarity is often not as great as we would like and we have to take risks.
Jump into the unknown.
Scary stuff!

It’s very scary at times not to be able to see the end of the path we are on.
In fact if we could I am sure we would retreat fast!!
My journey came to an abrupt crossroad on February 18th 2013.
It was like I’d hit asign – smack in front of me.

I crashed straight into it.
I lay in the middle of the road reeling from the shock.

With my classic PTSD responses I did several things.
I fled, hid, retreated to my sanctuary – my bed.
I froze, time stood still and the world carried on in a whirl around me.
and
I fought.
I fought so bloody hard.
I exhausted myself.
I was a ball of confusion as I processed it all.

The journey from then on has been incredibly tenuous.
Lots of ruts and complications along the way.
But as my friend Bob encourages I have been slowly turning my vision toward living.

I cast my eyes back and see the roads of my journey weaving, looping, converging, but none of them straight.
Along those roads I have experienced more pain than I could’ve ever thought imaginable, I have learned more than I could’ve ever conceived.

A dear friend just sent me this message today, it touched my heart so deeply that I need to share it here.
“For some, suddenly they find themselves on a road that is not of their choosing, a road unknown they must travel alone. They travel naked, no suitcase of preparation to hand, constantly assailed by travelers offering garments that are ill fitting and uncomfortable.  Attending to those who join them then leave, turning back to their “place” Having no “place”. Eyes set on the path with no end in sight, and no sight to see, eyes in the back of their head their only vision, looking back, looking back, looking back, then suddenly traveling, walking on alone. When does this road not of ones choosing open out to something more?  When warriors walk it.  Walk on Raewyn I have utmost love respect and admiration for you. Your Tim would be just so proud of you.”

I am now standing at a new cross roads.
One where I am feeling exhilarated, excited, and energised.
Exciting to venture out into the unknown.
I am standing strong, displaying all my scars with attitude.
Completely unafraid – well almost 😉
I am becoming healthier emotionally and physically and mentally.
Tim was right.
He said I could do it and I am.
Rest easy my love.
I am OK!
I am a warrior!
A warrior princess embarking along a new road – one that I have not traveled before.
And it feels so right 🙂