as a child we are taught
to communicate
be it with our voice or our hands
we learn to speak
encouraged to express our needs and wants
positive or negative
but we also are learned
to not communicate
by the traumas we endure
by the dangers of response
we are learned
in skills of self preservation
an innocent word
triggering an abuser
triggering a bully
triggering the anger of another
causing violent reaction
a chain reaction
learning in us
over years of trauma
to self protect
we shut down
we…
shut…
down…..
moving forward into adulthood
damaged goods
fight flight fright
concreted into our damaged psyche
cautious trusts so easily destroyed
our fragility protected by a thin crust of bravado
our lives spent walking on eggshells
the exhausting daily trials
to appear normal
to fit in
to be more than
to compensate for the imbedded feelings of worthlessness
to show that
sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
yeah right
and then
words innocently said
body language misinterpreted
precipitously
triggering violent responses from
others
loved ones
those we trusted
like blunt force trauma to the brain
like a knee into the gut
with excruciating heart-rending pain
leaving us
reeling
winded
wounded
revictimised
retraumatised
wondering where did we go wrong
again
not understanding
that their triggers are not your triggers
their pain
like yours
is causing them to react
is causing a vicious spiral
of
damaged communication
and
damaged communicators
and so
we all shut down
