When my words stop flowing They begin piling up within
Silencing begins slowly One small trigger That stops a word That stops a sentence And before I know it My words have become dammed
Before I realise The metaphoric hand is across my mouth Again… My words are held captive Racing round and round Within my brain Out of control Unable to find escape Tormenting Damning Shaming Me Again…
When my words stop flowing They begin piling up within Like unread books Stacked randomly Teetering With constrained Vulnerability On an unstable shelf
Until The shelf fails The books fall Pages scatter The metaphoric is torn away Allowing my words escape Liberated Flooding forth Demanding coherance Gaining volume Reclaiming power And my healing process Continues Again…
Sexual assault has permeated my entire life I am so weary So tired So hurting So incredibly sad and so very very angry
Just to be clear completely clarify To ensure you are hearing me I will say it again I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW I have spent the best part of my life surviving The best part 55 years of my life surviving 10 years of childhood sexual assault I have spent the past 10 years healing As I have healed and become more vocal, open, I have had countless approaches from other victims from families of victims asking for help, understanding, a shoulder, an ear
Every persons story is different But every story is the same Violation Betrayal Guilt Shame Self blame
When you are a victim of sexual assault It takes every ounce of your energy every day every single fucking day to stay alive
We all know well those of us that have are damaged understand the diagnosable obvious recognisable resulting behaviours depression anxiety suicidal ideation post-traumatic stress self harm aggression impulsiveness delinquency hyperactivity substance abuse and these are just the obvious, the most common there is so so much more….
But lets really get very real here folks Sexual assault tortures It tortures the soul of you It exhausts you
But ultimately Sexual assault kills It kills communication It kills conversation It kills your spirit It kills your soul It kills your mind It kills relationships It kills families It kills people It Kills!
And to my friend I just want to say I really really do hear you I understand you I understand your pain I don’t need to hear your story I know I also know how so important it is for you to tell your story To Get It Out And to be heard I am so very sorry you couldn’t hear me I am so very sorry I couldn’t hear you We are both damaged wounded souls And I pray you will be heard by others who can hear you better than I was able